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Monomania by Car Seat Headrest. Released: August 1, 2012
In order to gauge how and what I was thinking within the days of writing these things, the only help I can extend is by saying I was tired and then I fell ill for two weeks and did not dare to write any sick thoughts down, besides the ending sentence.
4:59 am. You have no one, but you to peel these oranges
I haven’t had oranges this season or maybe 2 in total. The second one was around 4:59 am, i was sitting on the floor and the only sound prevailing at the moment was of the wailing cat and the electricity running through the fluorescent tube. The cursor synced with the seconds of the clock, tick tok, tick tok. My isolating nature and ability to let go was louder that night so you wont be finding claw marks. I am tired of leaving claw marks.
I shifted my nightly walks to earlier hours, some days 4pm, some days 5 or 6. Some days to catch the sunset and some days for a bit of warmth from the sun. I’ve also been listening to David Wallace and his interviews on these walks. I repeat: Listening not watching. In David Foster Wallace unedited interview (2003) he said:
“My suspicion is that this has got something to do with, um with something that was explained by Original Sin in Genesis, which is that as we get older we have to do things to get money, to stay alive and there are things about that often feels very wrong to us” 1:11:39-1:12:03 He then asks for this part to be cut out from the interview because he thought it sounded “weird”.
I understand that without listening to the entire interview this quote might feel out of place for you, but even within my limited understanding of the Original sin mentioned in Genesis 3, I can comprehend where this interpretation takes it root. Noting that I wrote this while being stuck in a 7-5 job for a miserable month:
“I spend my days between weird patterns. I sleep half the day and work in the other half. In between I get an hour where I walk and I stare at the sky, a moment where I feel like I own this body and am not owned by it. I own this life and am not owned by it. I feel the sun on my skin and repeat to myself, repeat to myself? ……. I am going back to sleep, I am tired, but when am I not? The constant ache from my deteriorating bones make me writhe in pain. I am going to sleep, I need to sleep. I cant face myself right now or tomorrow, but isn’t that what we all try to do through consumption. I am truly forgetting, I will go to sleep. I am tired. I will go to sleep.
Lately, all I can think about is death and maybe music. and in order to realise you consume this through a passive voice instead of an active one heres the comment button
woah